The Mind of a Villian?
by LadyVulcan471
Summary: Just two short pieces I wrote about what Loki might be thinking during one scene from Thor and one scene from The Avengers.


Ext. The Rainbow Bridge

I never wanted this.

I never wanted it to go this far, to hurt so many people. I just could not bear the pain any longer. They tormented me for years, always comparing the two of us, as if there was any justified way to compare me to the God of Thunder. I can't be like him-I could never march into battle the way he does, hammer at the ready and not a second thought or doubt concerning his actions. And every jibe, every passing comment just pushed me further. There is only so much one person can take before their vision goes white and life becomes a hassle to keep living.

But is my life even worth anything? I'm a monster. I'm one of them-a Jotun-the monsters children are told about at night. And once the rest of Asgard found out, I would be even less of a person than I am already. I would be shunned, hated, feared...

So how can I be blamed for my actions? Once Thor was out of the way, taking the throne was only natural. Then everyone would finally see how capable I am of leading, of governing all of Asgard. No longer would I be just the younger brother of a great man-I would be a great man in my own right.

And just when my plans had come to fruition, he shows up again, hammer by his side and mouth set in a grim, disapproving line. Why shouldn't the frost giants have been destroyed? All I ever wanted was to prove to Father that I could do it and to show Thor that I could be great without him-that Asgard could be great without him! I could protect Asgard from any enemy if Odin let me, but there was never a chance. Years of false promises and allusions to an equal chance of having the throne, if I just worked hard enough, and there was never a chance. I could have been the best warrior in all the nine realms and I would still never rule.

Betrayal is something that tears the life right out of you, and as lay here burdened by that which I will never be worthy of I cannot stop the rage that builds up inside me. How dare he humiliate me further? What-

And isn't that just like Thor; heroic to the very end, my dear brother. I cannot stand it. If no one else will rid Asgard of his foolish rule forever, then I'll have to do it for them!

"I could have done it, Father." I could have...and then I would be the son you were so proud of. I'd be the one you loved unconditionally. "For you! For us..." That's right. For all of us...I've failed you, Father; Brother. Farewell.

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Ext. Stark Tower

When one invests time into something, there comes a moment when withdrawing is out of the question. You've put all this effort and all these schemes into succeeding-finally getting everything you know you deserve at the expense of whoever stands before you-and at the very last second, when you realize you've bitten off more than you can chew and the events currently taking place are not working in your favor, you find that it is too late to stop it. You don't want this. As your stomach hits your feet and your blood goes cold, the only thing you could ever want is a way out.

As I looked into the eyes of my brother, his blue eyes searing into my own-begging, pleading with me to stop this, I knew that it was too late. It was too late to turn from the path I'd chosen and, success or not, I would have to see this through to the end. He would not understand. Everything has always been black and white to my brother. There is no grey area-no middle ground where perhaps the right thing to do is not the action you choose because you can't face the thought of admitting the fact that you were wrong.

He could forgive me. He would, but can I ask that of him? Can I ask others to forgive my actions; actions of pure evil, done only for my own benefit? I can't. I won't. I'll take whatever punishment they can conjure up and know that I deserve every moment of it, but I will not acquiesce to their demands without a fight. If I did, I would just be Thor's younger brother again, standing in his shadow silently screaming and fighting to stay composed. I would be a joke; a sad story of failure that would be told for years to come.

I'm sorry. I am more sorry than you could ever imagine, but this is what I am now; less than a whole being, a shell with nothing but anguish and suffering tearing me apart. I know you see it. You are no fool. Never doubt that I love you, Brother. I will always care deeply for you, but we can never be as we were. It is too late.

And as my knife is buried inside his flesh, I am dying. The metal might as well have been ripping into my own body, so sharp is the sting. But I must carry on. I have to get away from Thor before I lose my conviction, and become the shadow I once was.


End file.
